Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
