I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
