I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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