I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
