One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
