I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
