I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My bed smells like the plague
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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