Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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