it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize