yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
