Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
