He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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