so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
