Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
