he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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