I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The adults are the big ones right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
