fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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