we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
