yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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