My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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