This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
