i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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