addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
