Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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