I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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