it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
