Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
