Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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