He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
