Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
