apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize