I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
