Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
