when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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