bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
