official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
