So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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