I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
