I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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