I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
