he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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