I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
