You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
