i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
