Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
