yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
