we have pet lesbian snakes
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You're like the curious george of whores
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
