I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
