I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
