i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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