If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
