i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
