You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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