In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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