I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
