Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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