Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
