mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
