apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
