You're so nebulous sometimes
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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