she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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