we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
