haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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