just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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