i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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