Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize