My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
