Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
