It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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