...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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