I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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