Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
