We're facebook friends in real life
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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