Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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